Son, Dad’s Day Out

By James Muyanwa

IN Africa it is rare to meet a boy and his father on a day out just the two of them.

More often than not the mother has to be involved in any adventurous outing for the children, both girls and boys while the man will think that his job ends at just looking for money to facilitate such an expedition.

The women always create chances to spend quality time with their children both girls and boys but it is rare for men to do so exclusively for their children.

Mathew Kaoma, of Lusaka’s Chalala residential area admitted that men were not mainly involved in the pastime of their children and leave most of the works to their mothers.

Mr Kaoma, a banker who said he has three sons conceded that most of the time his boys are taken out by their mothers while his preoccupation is to find the money for the occasion.

“You know, I feel guilty, just yesterday (last Saturday) my children came to me saying that they wanted to go to Adventure City, but I gave their mother the car and the money to take them. Even after they insisted that they wanted to go with me, I count not and thought I rather go and get their school report forms on Monday,” he said.

Emmanuel Ndhlovu of Chilenje South said that there are few men who took time to be exclusively with their sons and also pleaded guilty of that failure.

“Yes I think it is true that, as fathers, most of the time we only think of expensive presents for our children and not having quality time with them. We really need to change because by not spending quality time with them we are creating a gap in terms of information.

“I think it is for this reason that usually the girl child looks more knowledgeable about the facts of life than boys of the same age are,” he said.

It is against that background that the women from the Pentecostal Assemblies of God Northmead congregation in Lusaka last week chose to make a difference for their spouses and their sons.

They organized what was dubbed “Father-Son dinner” at Hotel Intercontinental which was for exclusively men with their sons to celebrate that magnificent relationship.

One of the people who attended the function, Moses Phiri said the occasion had given him an opportunity to interact with his two sons and hailed the church for the initiative.

Mr Phiri said even if he was not a Pentecostal he had to pay to attend the function because he thought it was important for him to have a good time with his sons.

One of Mr Phiri’ sons, Joachim, said he was happy to be with his father for an evening out.

Martin Hamainza said such gatherings were strategic as they gave an opportunity for the fathers and their sons to spend some time together.

Mr Hamainza said most men did not want to go out with their children and spend less time together because they felt raising children was for the mothers alone.

“But this is wrong. Our children’s proper growth needs the input from both the fathers and mothers. There must be that balance,’ he said.

Who could have been the better guest of honour than President Rupiah Banda, himself a dedicated father and a key supporter of family values! Mr Banda wished he had been informed that children were “welcome.” He could have gone with his young son.

Accompanied by First Lady, Thandiwe, Mr Banda urged men in the country to be role models for their children and give them the loving care for them to grow up into responsible fathers for the betterment of the nation.

He said fatherhood went far beyond the provision of money, food and other material things to the children, albeit that was important.

Fatherhood, he said, encompasses spending quality time with the children especially sons and help to mould them into responsible adults who would one day successfully takeover the mantel of fatherhood for future generations.

“In the divinely-ordained course of life, boys should grow into men and girls into women. The process depends to a great extent on the quality of fatherhood.

“Fatherhood does not stand only for material and financial provision in the family. It stands for character development, which fathers must carry out on their sons. Fathers must be there to spend quality time with their children,” he said.

Fatherhood, beyond biological child-bearing, is a God-given commitment that men in families should fulfill.

Mr Banda went on to emphasis on the mutual responsibility the father and the son have to each other saying that while the father provides the love and care it is the child’s responsibility to respect and obey the father.

The effect and impact a father has on his children particularly boys is exceptional. The son picks up certain traits and behavioural elements from the father willy-nilly. The learning usually is unconsciously.

In his article to the Georgia Psychological Association on father-son relationship, psychologist Charles Williams starts this way:

“Have you ever noticed how children want to be just like their parents when they are young, nothing like their parents when they are teens, and then become just like their parents for better and worse when they become adults?

“This could not be more evident than in the relationship between fathers and sons. From the evolution of childhood through older adult, predictable stages occur in the way sons view and relate to their fathers,” he said.

Dr Williams comes up with an acronym I.D.E.A. to describe the changing stages into the child’s movement towards becoming like his father. As children, he says, sons idolize their father but as teenagers sons experience a period of discord or conflicts against their fathers.

As young adults, sons experience a period of evolving although distance may still be there while as full adults the sons start moving towards acceptance for their fathers and ultimately becoming like them so much that by the time they reach about 50 years they are a legacy of their father’s influence for better or worse.

Pentecostal Assemblies of God Northmead Pastor Joshua Banda told the gathering at the hotel that the relationship between father and son was paramount as it also represents that of God the father and Jesus Christ.

Bishop Banda said that the relationship is also reflected at various levels from a family unit to the national leadership.

He said it was for that reason that his congregation wanted to celebrate even the national fatherhood as exemplified by the Republican Presidency.

In that vein Bishop Banda presented President Banda with a painting depicting the current president and all the three past presidents as a way of the church’s honouring the national leaderships past and present.

Similar presents were awarded to First Republican President Dr Kenneth Kaunda and his immediate successor, Dr Frederick Chiluba both in absentia, while late President Levy Mwanawasa’s was presented to his son, Patrick.

Bishop Banda said the church was proud of the four presidents and recognized the roles each played during their respective reigns.

He said the church was aware that mistakes could have been committed while the four presidents were separately in power but it was equally mindful of the fact that they were not angels and therefore were bound to make mistakes.

In his sermon, Reverend Yohan Cronje from Cape Town South Africa, who was the guest speaker, said that presidents and other leaders of any nation carried a special grace because of their mammoth responsibility.

Rev Cronje said the leaders therefore deserved to be honoured and recognized.

After that the fathers and their sons continued with their day out.

Ends…